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Difficult Things To Achieve

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |, | વ્યંગ ચીત્ર |, , , , ,

Human Resources Department Notice

HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES


[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]

Dear STAFF,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need araise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE:
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
– They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normalsize people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
– If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category..
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

6) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
– Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss “what is the meaning of appraisal?”

Boss: “Do you know the meaning of resignation? ”

Trainee: “Yes I do”

Boss: “So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation”

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

**********
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

**********
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

**********

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

**********

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

**********

Trainee: “Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign … !!!”

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |

Simple Maths | સાદુ ગણીત

image3714704105000000web8914mailinyahoocom.jpg

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |, | રમૂજ |

Chairman for Microsoft

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a
new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates
assembled in a large room. One candidate is Arun
Mhatre an Indian (Mumbai) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and
asking those who do not know JAVA program to
leave.2000 people leave the room. Arun says to
himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to
lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had
experience of managing more than 100 people to leave.
2000 people leave the room. Arun says to himself ‘ I
never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to
lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have
management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the
room. Arun says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but
what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not
speak Serbo – Croat to leave. 498 people leave the
room. Arun says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word
of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?’ So he
stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are
the only two candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so
I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together
in that language.’

Calmly, Arun turns to the other candidate and says
‘Kaisa hai re tu’

The other candidate answers ‘Accha hai re’

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |

confidence and confidential

Son asks father difference between ‘confidence’ and ‘confidential’.
Dad says: You are my son, I am confident.
Your friend is also my son,
that’s confidential.

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |

Kaun Banega Karore Pati

 2 1  A u g u s t  2 0 0 7

A sardar in Kaun Banega Karore Pati. 

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows? 
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. 
 
Amitab stunned, looks behind,  
 
ALL WERE SARDARS......

H i l h i l a r i o u s . W o r d p r e s s . c o m 

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |, | સરદારભાઇ |

Idiot

10 A u g u s t 2 0 0 7

Son: Dad, what is an idiot? 

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and
long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him.
Do you understand me? 

Son: No.

H i l h i l a r i o u s . w o r d p r e s s . c o m

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |

P e r f e c t S o n

0 7 A u g u s t 2 0 0 7

A: I have the perfect son. 
 B: Does he smoke? 
 A: No, he doesn't. 
 B: Does he drink whiskey? 
 A: No, he doesn't. 
 B: Does he ever come home late? 
 A: No, he doesn't. 
 B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 
 A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

H i l h i l a r i o u s . w o r d p r e s s . c o m

Filed under: | અંગ્રેજીમાં |

A N T S

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